My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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