Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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