okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
