It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Randomize
