3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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