had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
