I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
