Swine flu. Run for my life!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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