He is such a slut. More and more my type.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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