I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
