my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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