He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
