Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The air was thick with penises
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
