Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
