I'm really into asian looking animals
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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