I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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