I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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