I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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