I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
