I want to have your abortion
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
