You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
