It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
