people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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