I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
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WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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