my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
