i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
