i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
