I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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