Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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