the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
home. puking in laundry basket.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
