This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
