I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
