Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i now understand why vodka
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
