the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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