where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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