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The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
