I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
