Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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