So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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