We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
