I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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