Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
