I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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