We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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