You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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