I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
