she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
