where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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