He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
