Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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