Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
