So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
