also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
