Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just cut my nipple shaving
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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