I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
