he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
