dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
