I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
