false alarm. still invincible.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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