I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
