how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
