And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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