Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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