Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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