Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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