Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
