Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
