i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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