Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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