just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
