i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
