Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
