I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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