Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
