I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wish you could order shots online.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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