If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
