you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
