I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
