Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
